Destroy Something Beautiful.

2004-06-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

*so be here, here now.*

2004-06-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

wow...what a show. i got there when i was supposed to (7) and nobody festive was there yet. SOOOO i talked to marie, barrett and my darling Mike on the phone to pass the time. those were some grand conversations. Finally, barrett got there and the show started up. the dahmer party has ended up quite good. by far the highlight of the evening was seeing a bunch of old buddies: Brian Sanders, Joey, Adam, Steve, Eirik, and Cody. good times. OH! and i saw Alex (the one from the hub and last summer)...luckily i didn't get to talk to him cuz i was busy talkin to cody. muahahah. :)

mood: content
music: the dahmer party cd

2004-06-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

who's coming with me to see the Dahmer Party on saturday @ the Santa Fe Cafe? woooooo.

2004-06-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

*I remember when things just weren't the same.
My life went up in smoke.
The end came crashing down on me.
Just when I found this piece of sympathy.
You turned your back.
Walked away after the eulogy.
Can I touch your lips?
Feel the motion of your kiss?
I remember when I first saw your face.
You took my breath away and left without a trace.
So here I stand empty handed point of view.
I took some time.
The search is up and I found you.
Can I touch your lips.
Feel the motion of your kiss?
Where did you go?
It's not the distance keeping you from seeing me.
It ain't the weather changing minds or changing dreams.
It's not the sight of you when I stepped off the plane.
I think that things will be much better off this way.
And when my seasons change:
I might have to pray for rain.
Now that I've found you, you're not leaving me.
Please stay right by my side.
I'll give you everything.
There she goes.
There she goes with me.
Another lonely winter I don't think we'll see.
Where did you go?* 18V

2004-06-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

mood: i'm feeling...betrayed?
music: new dahmer party stuff. what happened to my beautiful Cody? haha.

summer is...here. i need to find new and exciting things to do. i got a reply back from the RTV man...i think i am gonna start a local chapter...c-c-c-c-razy stuff though! it's way involved...and i'm still debating whether or not i should take it on given the frickin Rock the House thing i have to put on for ASB in october...mah!

i've been spending time with pollman, murrad, and gaurav...it's been good times. those kids are funny.

warped tour is coming up! wooooo! the bill for fullerton is effing AMAZING.

mike should be here in mid july. i can't wait to see him. <3.

TODAY IS LOUIE'S BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BDAY TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY...EVER.
(sidenote: i didn't realize it was 12...his bday was yesterday then, 6/14)

it' difficult to accept that people change. no matter how much you try to ignore the fact that they do...they...do. people lie, people cheat, people keep secrets, people hurt you. it's life. but i don't want to believe it. please...just prove me wrong again.

2004-06-11T23:58:00.001-07:00

AAAAAHHH!!! ::confusion::

2004-06-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

I FIXED IT!! HOLY FUCK...I AM AMAZING. at least to me. HAHA.

2004-05-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

i'd fix the background if i knew how. mah.

2004-04-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

*i am a visitor here, i am not permanent.*

interesting.

mood: ponderous. (?)
music: the postal service "the district sleeps alone tonite"

"so i'm going to let you go. because clearly this distance is too much and it's out of my hands. take care of yourself and hopefully she'll hold your hand and get you thru this. <3 you."

2004-04-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

silly girl...what did you expect?

2004-04-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

it was raining here yesterday and i wanted you here more than ever. i needed you here to save me from myself.

mood:regretful.
music: Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie

2004-04-18T01:13:00.000-07:00

oh god.

mood:bleh.
music: Sic Transit Gloria...glory fades by BrandNew

2004-04-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

i canceled.

if you can't be true to yourself...then who the fuck are you? it kills me to see people pretending to be something they're not...and covering up who they really are. just be real.

i went to my dad's last nite and did the whole easter bunny thing. it was quite festive. i didn't want to go out, i'd rather spend time with my little brother.

family's coming over today, i'm not really looking forward to it. i must away to go get mom some coffee.

Me: is starbucks even open?
mom: of course they are! they're open on christmas...their god is the dollar...the ALMIGHTY DOLLAR!

mood: frustrated
music: tiny vessels by deathcab for cutie.

2004-04-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

i'd let you go...but it really just isn't an option right now.

2004-04-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

"where are you guys, where are you? the woods are burning!"

i want out.

2004-03-28T22:28:00.000-08:00

Every little thing reminds me of you. I can't take it. Every realization that you aren't here seems like the first time I noticed that.

This life i've been left to lead isn't what i want. I don't have the energy or desire to make a change. But i hate where i'm at...this isn't what i was meant for. i know it. Love me or leave me. Don't use me.

funny how he said he didn't want something like this to happen to her...and look what's happened to me. He told me to watch out for her, but he didn't watch out for me.

I'm ready to pack up and leave.

Mood: tired.
Music: Brand New- The no Seatbelt Song

2004-03-25T18:35:00.000-08:00

it lost my last entry i worked on. that makes me sad. Yes, i died, yet again. i feel myself pulling away from blogging. maaah.

Sadie's was way fun, Sarang is amazing. yay for him.
today we had leadership day @ school. it was suprisingly action-packed and i learned a few things about myself and others.
mike is supposed to be out here this weekend, let's see if it happens.
i really don't know myself as it is, i can't make decisions for myself anymore...
i am in a hole, and i enjoy it. i feel comfortable in this hole of nothingness. i really don't feel much, i'm just sort of going thru the motions now...
elections are coming up. yay for that. i really think that becoming senior class president would be good for me and i'd be able to make senior year a lot better.
that's about it.

mood: meh.
Music: "the reason" by hoobastank. i enjoy that song, so shut up. haha.

2004-02-26T21:44:00.000-08:00

crizzap.

2004-02-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

*Is everything a baited hook?
And are there locks on all doors?
If you're looking for an open book,
look no further, i am yours.
...we can do anything that turns you up
and sets you free.
You're an exception to the rule.
You're a bonafide rarity.
You're all i've ever wanted...could you want me?* Southern Girl by Incubus. my current favorite song...it's absolutely wonderful.

things are okay. i feel that things aren't going anywhere though. bleh. i keep wishing for something to happen that makes it worthwhile again.

2004-02-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

i died.

2004-02-11T22:46:00.000-08:00

aaah!!! i hope this works! ::falls over::
everybody cross their fingers and hope that mike's mom is cool and loves me.

mood: ridiculously excited.
music: "maps" by the yeah yeah yeahs

2004-02-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

who wants to go make out with me in the rain right now? any takers?

mood:sleepy.
music: the rain outside.

2004-01-27T17:53:00.000-08:00

you get no update!

this doesn't count. things are strange. I feel that i'm missing something. I don't know what that is...but i'm definitely lacking somewhere.

I had a dream last nite...he wrote me a letter and signed it, Your Best Friend, ________...Always.

i woke up rather upset. mah.

I am now going to write my sentences for APUSH. wooooooo.

Mood:bored
Music: "lover i don't have to love" by bright eyes. (suuuuch an awesome song.)

2004-01-14T19:25:00.000-08:00

Cuz this girl loves drama

there's a problem in getting involved with people who don't really know you.

Mood:flustered from being misunderstood
music: essex downfall "My Sentimental Words to You"

**your lips are burning like the end of this cigarette. But I wont inhale your lies.
and place the knives in the backs of those you kiss. Sorry sweetie, but it just turned sour.**

2004-01-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

::Better kisses. and hugs.::

HEY KIDS! i'm updating...cuz dallas told me to. whooo. So i am going to divide this post into little categories...haha.

School:
School is becoming increasingly boring for me. I find myself contemplating different means of escape, is that bad? Finals are coming up and i am realizing how i don't know SHIT. I have appeared to have forgotten most everything from my classes that count, and studying just isn't an option here. Lunchtime is the only true highlight of my day. The people i spend my time with there are amazing. I have recently become better acquainted with this guy Nick @ our table...only to find out he's transferring to Esperanza @ the beginning of next week. He's a total sweetie and we're sad to see him go...Dallas and I are taking him to lunch thursday as a goodbye thing. ::sigh:: much love to my fiancee.

Family:
i'm trying to spend more time with my dad's side of the family, but it's not working out. oh well.
Marc has been home more, for reasons unknown to me...all i know is that i like it. i missed him too much while he was gone. he's such an amazing brother...Phil is the same ol' nerdface he always was. Jacqueline hasn't come by in a while, that's been random. Justin is getting HUGE, you guys wouldn't believe it. His new sentence is "i dont know." and he's got my name down pretty good...he's so friggin cute! ::random sisterly rant::

::Friend time::
Dal and i have been spending shitloads of time together. It's awesome. We spent the better part of XMAS break together, and have been hanging out after school since we've got back. She's such an amazing best friend...i can't even begin to explain it. SO I WONT! haha. love you dal.
::This distance seems terrible::
i hate the fact that Mike lives in arizona. I want him here...he's so awesome and he's been goin thru shit lately and i just want him here so i can hug him...that and so he can sing to me. I talked to his mom on the phone today while he was at work...she's way cool. w00t. I can't wait till spring break, hopefully then he makes it out here.

WELL, that's about it for now...i need to start my homework. woo-freekin-hoo.

Mood:procrastinate-y. haha.
music: Boys Night Out- " A Torrid Love Affair"

2004-01-10T17:37:00.000-08:00

emoliciousbabe07: i'm so sad that girl is going. mah.
emoliciousbabe07: oh well.
x1emoNiGhTx: Kill her.

haha. mike...i love you.

mood: happy
music: A static lullaby- the shooting star that destroyed us all.

2004-01-06T21:56:00.000-08:00

*i will lie awake, lie for fun
and fake the way i hold you.
let you fall for every empty word i say.*

2004-01-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

mahahahahahahahaha.

mood: giddy
music: EMF- unbelievable

"[her hair] it's braided...all like maaeerrhhh." hahahahahahahaah.

it's the way that he kisses you.

2004-01-04T23:44:00.000-08:00

So...i finally found what i thought i was looking for. why am i terrified? i don't think this is me.

Mood:nervous
Music:blood brothers "ambulance vs ambulance"

longing for friday

2004-01-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

Cassie got bored.
>I AM: the amazing Cassie! Psshh…yea sure.
>I KNOW: that I don’t want to be home right now.
>I WANT: to be content all of the time
>I HAVE: the most amazing best friend in the whole BLOODY WORLD.
>I WISH: that things would work out for everybody.
>I HATE: when people snap their gum. ::cough::marie::cough::
>I DROPPED: the little ball that goes on the end of my new earring..and I can’t find it anywhere. So I am going to the mall soon to buy a replacement. DAMN BALL!
>I FEAR:being alone…and airplanes falling out of the sky on me.
>I HEAR: Letterkills-Don’t believe.
>I SEARCH: for fulfillment.
>I REGRET: nothing. I wish I could say that…I guess there are a couple things.
>I LOVE: my friends, my mom, my siblings aaaaaaand my pet fish, Murphey.
>I ALWAYS: have a messy room.
>I DANCE: when nobody’s watching…or if they’re all preoccupied with dancing themselves.
>I SING: ALL THE TIME!
>I CRY: more than I should and over stupid things.
>I DO NOT ALWAYS: do what I should
>I FIGHT: with my mom A LOT and brother (tickle fight! Eeee!)
>I WRITE: poetry for ms cecil’s class.
>I WIN: mock trial competitions..sometimes…I don’t know. Haha.
>I LOSE: socks and backings of earrings
>I LISTEN: to music constantly. Maaah.
>I USUALLY CAN BE FOUND: in my room or out with dallypie
>I NEED: to clean my room
>I AM HAPPY: when I’m out and about with my friends or when I am getting ready to go out
>I SHOULD: be out on a date right now…damn rescheduling for tomorrow! Daaamn it!
>...Describing Myselfâ€¦
>JEWELRY WORN DAILY: two silver bracelets from Trinidad, black sex(haha) bracelets, usually princess cut diamond earrings and a hoop in my top right ear
>IN STEREO RIGHT NOW: poison the well “the opposite of December”
>PIERCING: 1 in the left ear, 2 in the right. I want to get more in my ears.
>HAIR: random brown/red color…I need to get it redone (puts it on to-do list)
>WHAT ARE YOU WEARING: jeans, black tank top con lace straps, and my jacks
>IN MY MOUTH: iced caramel macchiato.
>IN MY HEAD: “for the weekend” by letterkills
>WISHING: I wasn’t home, mike was here, aaaaand that school wouldn’t start
>SOMETHING IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS: sadie’s and Mike coming out here
>IM DEATHLY AFRAID: of losing the people who matter most to me.
>DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE?: yeah
>DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: nope. That’s infatuation.
>DO YOU BELIEVE IN FORGIVENESS: yea I do. It’s a really hard to do sometimes and can take a really long time to happen...but it’s not good for a person to hold anger inside. Sometime’s you’ve gotta let go.
>WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND BETTER?: people in general.
>...In the past three days have you:
>CRIED: yea.
>BOUGHT SOMETHING: yup. Main things: gift for marie, dinner for dallas and I, and an earring.
>GOTTEN SICK: sort of.
>SANG : of course.
>EATEN : yea
>BEEN KISSED: hehe. Yup. By DALLAS! WOOOO! (on the cheek) hehe.
>FELT STUPID : yes.
>WANTED TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVED THEM, BUT DIDN'T? nope…I’ve said it and meant it.
>MET SOMEONE NEW: yes, yes I have! CHRIS! (bumbaclott) and geoff or jeff…don’t know how he spells it.
>HAD SEX: nope. Eapen turned me down…::sniffle:: haha.
>TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON: yup
>HAD A SERIOUS TALK: yup.
>MISSED SOMEONE: yes sir.
>HUGGED SOMEONE:yup, multiple people. I’m a hugger. Highlight of the hug: sexy matt. He hugged me. Ooooh yeah. Haha.
>FOUGHT WITH A PARENT: mommy.
>DREAMT OF SOMEONE YOU CAN'T BE WITH: nope
>
>...WHO...
>HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST: all my golden buddies.
>DO YOU MOST ARGUE WITH: mom
>DO YOU ALWAYS GET ALONG WITH: uhhmm…mike?
>IS THE TRUSTWORTHIEST: dallas
>MAKES YOU LAUGH: dallas- uncontrollably. Amanda cracks me up too.
>MAKES YOU SMILE: most of you guys!
>HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE: dal, Tanya, anthony
>HAS THE COOLEST PARENTS: hmm…I dunno? All of them have their moments.
>HAS THE COOLEST SIBLINGS: you do…I don’t know.
>IS THE SMARTEST: marie or sarang. That crazy bastard.
>
>...my personal lifeâ€¦
>HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE YOU HAD NO CHANCE WITH?: haha yeah. Cody.hahaha.
>HAVE YOU EVER CRIED OVER THE OPPOSITE SEX?: yea
>DO YOU HAVE A "TYPE" OF PERSON YOU ALWAYS GO FOR? Nope!
>HAVE YOU EVER LIED TO YOUR BESTFRIEND(S): nothing major I can think of. I can’t even recall a minor lie. Meh.
>EVER WANTED TO GET REVENGE ON SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY HURT YOU: not direct revenge…but I’ve wanted misfortune for them. Haha.
>RATHER BE DUMPED OR BE THE DUMPER: dumper
>RATHER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP OR A HOOKUP: usually relationship…currently hookup.
>WANT SOMEONE YOU DON'T HAVE RIGHT NOW?: yea. Sort of.
>EVER LIKED YOUR BEST GUY/GIRLFRIEND?: yes I have. Not a good idea kids.
>DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?: yea. I’m a family kind of person.
>DO YOU WANT KIDS?: yes I do. 3.
>DO YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHICS?: sort of? I believe in palm readers. I am meeting my soulmate between the ages of 17 and 19 and I’m going to have 3 kids with them. OH YEA!
>ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOU? Not really.
>ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE?: for the most part, I guess so.
>IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?: I would have more drive for the future. Also, I would be closer to my dad and make more time for that side of my family. I also would have a rockstar boyfriend who takes me on tour with him…preferably the lead singer of letterkills. ::Drool:: haha.

2003-12-29T00:31:00.000-08:00

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

mood:disgruntled.
music: pretty girl(the way) by sugarcult.

*It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he's in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love

It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love*

2003-12-24T23:39:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everybody.

I am going to my dad's tomorrow AM..and i don't want to.

Mike isn't coming now. I am so FUCKING bummed...you have no idea. So now we have to wait another 4 months before we get to see each other...fuck.

Mood: bummed.
Music: ELBAAGNS.

*I'm waiting so patiently, i breathe in your eyes so deeply...cuz i talk to you in the middle of my sleep, you always answer back without words. A thousand thank you's irony, for taking such good care of me. i'll never paint these letters blue again.*Bottlewink.

2003-12-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

Would You Still Be My Friend If My Eyes Looked Like This?

Today I got up @ 8 and went malling. I got pretty much ALL of my Christmas shopping done. and that makes me very happy. w00t. The day just sort of happened...Dallas came over @ around 7 and she brought me the wonderful gift of ANDY KAO!!!!! I miss him so effing much! maaah! we cruised over to andy's and stopped by THE LIVING MANGER! tonite was the last nite...and if you didn't see it this year..you totally missed out and I AM TAKING YOU NEXT YEAR! they had a BURRO. the glory of the BURRO. Dally came over again and we did our gift exchange. We got each other the SAME gift...we both bought "The Boondock Saints" dvd...it was frickin creepy, and yet gloooorious. PS: THANK YOU DALLY FOR MY MOVIES! I LOVE YOU!!!! We watched Pirates and drooled over Johnny...and dallas made googlie eyes @ me...hahahaha.

Today I got to talk to Mike on the phone for the first time. It was so weird actually hearing him and talking to him...wow. he's so awesome and I can't wait for him to come out here. maaaaaaah!

Mood: pretty damn happy right now.
Music: "Cross Out The Eyes" by Thursday

2003-12-18T00:17:00.000-08:00

THE TRAIN!!!! THE TRAIN!!! WE FORGOT ABOUT THE TRAIN!!!!

Mood: hopeful
music: "ELBAAGNS" by BW (you'd laugh if you knew) mahaha. i'll give a nickel to whoever can figure that one out.

2003-12-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

i've been out of school for two days. woohoo. I apologize in advance to all of you who enjoyed my absence...for i am returning tomorrow...still sick and even more stressed out. SCORE!

mood: amused...people are just plain funny sometimes.
music: Alone this Holiday-the used.

2003-12-11T22:44:00.000-08:00

December is here and you should be too.

mood:hopeful
music: "living in your letters"-Dashboard

VHS dance winter show tomorrow @ 7:30. you'd better be there...if you're not...i will hunt you down and break both of your legs.

2003-12-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

375.09 miles away...that's approximately 5 hours and 47 minutes...dammit.

does anybody feel like driving to Chandler, Arizona???

Mood:calm
music: Santana w/ Dave Matthews "love of my life"

where you are, that's where i wanna be

2003-12-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

UPDATE FOR DALLAS

What a week it has been! Wow...so much bloody drama. maaaah. But i'm doing better now. I have let it all go. I have decided to let go of the little things, a not so great man once told me to do that. So i'm letting go of all the stupid people who cause me pain, and i am focusing on/appreciating those who make my life absolutely wonderful!

I wanna thank all of my friends who really stepped up and cared for me over the past week, i love you guys! (Dal, Tanya, Dana, Diana, Ms Cecil *even tho she doesn't read.*, and Toddina)

Festive
We are having a family/friends party @ my house and my mom is going nuts! She has gone completely into Christmas Mode and is festive-izing the entire house. We have frickin candles, lights, tinsel, nativity scenes, light up town things, table cloths, color-form things on windows/mirrors/pictures, and 2 christmas trees. IT'S NUTS!!!

Speaking of Trees...
I ran into a friend @ the Christmas tree place...his name is Joe and the Golden kids and I went to elementary school with him. Dally and I have run into him a couple times w/in the past month after not seeing him in years. As it turns out we have the same taste in music and he has turned out pretty damn cute. We exchanged numbers and we're gonna hang out. SCORE!!! haha. It was just a self confidence boost @ a time when i really needed it. w00t.

Mood: excited for a new week
Music: The Black Crows- She Talks to Angels

2003-12-04T18:12:00.000-08:00

ATTN Mock Trial members: THE MILKSHAKE SONG IS UP FOR A GRAMMY...I REPEAT, THE MILKSHAKE SONG IS UP FOR A GRAMMY. THAT IS ALL.

2003-12-04T18:11:00.000-08:00

...i needed us more, when we wanted us less...

funny how i predicted the hell that would become this week...

you make me want to pound my head on my desk. I don't understand at all. One minute you act like you hate me, the next you're asking if i'm doing alright and apologizing for all of this????? you can't play with someone's emotions like this. it feels like you rip me apart in anger, then try to tape me back together once guilt and regret set in. you can't do that...i can't do this.

mood: broken...yet eerily calm.
Music: a mix of songs which include:
Glycerine and Mouth by bush
Raining in Baltimore by Counting Crows
Change by Deftones
and many atreyu/poison the well/avenged sevenfold songs

*...everything else is the same
There's things I remember and things I forget
I miss you I guess that I should...
But what would you change if you could?*

2003-11-30T20:54:00.000-08:00

i really don't want this week to start. it's gonna be hectic, i can feel it.

one week ago.

i wish i could be a deep thinker/person. I would love for my words to make an impact on people...but it seems that anything i say sounds like i am rambling.

currently, there is only one thing in my life that i am passionate about. i have lost the motivation i once had in many aspects of my life, except for this one. Too bad it's a lost cause.

You know what is really hard to deal with? As you are becoming closer to a person, they pull away. But you're still getting closer. I know that makes no sense @ all...it's like some unspoken balance...There are moments of complete connection, but then suddenly it seems that you don't even know them. i don't know. ::rambles::

mood:mah
music: not within arms length by poison the well

2003-11-30T12:27:00.000-08:00

damn blogger ate my post...so this one will be crap. oh well.

::YIELD::

i hung out last nite with my two best friends and i would like to state that it was amazing. I've been on a search for little things that make me happy, and last nite was one of them. Just being able to spend time with such amazing people who actually do care about you is a gift. That's about it...yeah. Dal and Anj: love you guys.

mood:unmotivated to do homework
music: The Smiths "How soon is now?"

2003-11-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

*Your ... eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide most. And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.* Avenged Sevenfold

i am both the happiest and saddest i've ever been. this is weird.

2003-11-21T23:02:00.000-08:00

Tonight was awesome! Thanks dallas!

included:
Del Taco (we feel the need...to feed!)
football
hit that or not? (with interesting results)
kissing my little bro goodnite
starbucks w/ random old man...eep.
carl's w/ trontz and sarang
singing
ice cream @ Birch
Mike Meza @ Cafe Du Soleil
just driving and singing
best friends having a blast together.

mood:happy
music: Dashboard A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar

PS: Hi Mike!! i love you!
PPS: that's my man in AZ, for those of you who didn't know. haha

2003-11-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

I want you to be my reason for waking up smiling in the morning.

mood: concerned
music: the early november "open eyes" and from autum to ashes "the fiction we live"

2003-11-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

*In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you and in your head where it dwells.
I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it.
Let's walk away from this hell.*

"...i wish he would open his eyes and realize what he has before HE loses it...because he has the greatest love and support behind him now..."

2003-11-19T19:08:00.000-08:00

Over a week has gone by, and i haven't blogged. HOLY CRAP!

so now i will do a retarded and broken up post...yup.

HOMECOMING

Homecoming was so much fun! Yeah, it did end up causing a little drama at the end, but that doesn't matter. I had the most fun i had in such a long time. Andrew was such an awesome date...yeah. We had dinner @ BJs (all 22 of us) after taking pics @ andrew's and school. About 15 people hung out @ my house after, ten of which crashed there. We just hung out, talked, listened to muzak, and played cards. Sounds boring? well it wasn't @ all. We got a craving for denny's @ around 4:30 am, so we (me, Anj, Tanya, Jeanette, Milo and Jason) went over there till about 6. We got back to the house to find everybody almost asleep, and so we went to bed. I slept about 2 hrs and walked anj out cuz he had church... :) Then i made breakfast for everybody, OH YEAH! It was such a great night and i had fun dancing with everybody and everyone looked absolutely GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!

Today
Today i finally crashed. Everything i have been feeling (sickness, exhaustion, sadness, joy, CONFUSION,regret, love, all of it) caught up to me. I found myself crying just because of the little things and just sort of distant. It was odd. Sorry to my friends for today.

it's funny to find the person in your life who makes you both the happiest and saddest. it's time to change that to just the happiest...

Mood: broken
Music: "one lonely visitor" by Chevelle

2003-11-09T23:06:00.000-08:00

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

that was the most amazing show. i feel so incredibly dirty yet wonderful right now. The adrenaline rush from that many people singing/jumping/screaming/breathing together is incredible. My ears are ringing and i love it. Senses Fail's music is centered around a lot of angry stuff, but all of the fans come together for them. If you fall on your ass, someone picks you up; if you start falling backwards they push you back into it. It's great.

I met Buddy (the lead singer of SF) after the show. He's really nice. I got a hug and he signed my ticket. wOOt.

*sigh* i can't wait to see them again.

Dal: another amazing show together. we REALLY need to do this more often. JANUARY isn't tooooo far away. i told adam that we would take him next time. WOOHOO!!!

2003-11-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

What began as a really shitty nite, ended up pretty good. I got to hang with two of my favorite people, woo!

Some people really really suck...But then there are a few who totally rock.

Thanks Dal. you're the best.

Anj- no...driving with your knee is not a good idea.

mood: content
music: "autumn's monologue" by From Autumn to Ashes

2003-11-06T17:57:00.000-08:00

who wants to go to my brother's show tomorrow nite @ showcase? any takers? after party in cypress..come on!

2003-11-06T17:16:00.000-08:00

not much to say today. it was a boring day...yes it was. i saw my brother Marc tho...that was probably the best part of my day.

i would like to state that Ms. Cecil is awesome. she actually gives a damn about her students and reaches out to them.
Thanks Cecil.

mood: meh.
music: Cursive "after the movies"

2003-11-05T00:04:00.000-08:00

this past weekend was awesome. i got in trouble and it was a blast...i spent the weekend hangin w/ people very dear to me. and it was fun.

tonite was the first MAH-ck trial competition. i did very well, i do believe. so yay for that.

there was a lot of drama..and i was reduced to tears by someone i deeply care about...but then he called when i got home. we spoke on the phone for over an hour and a half. i just wish more people knew the real him. i love the friendship we have...it's great really. but jeezy creezy, i wish i didn't feel more for him. well..that was a lie. i do enjoy having feelings for him, cuz i love looking forward to seeing him, talking to him, spending time w/ him...but i just wish it was returned. mah. i'm rambling. sorry.

mood:broken.
music: The Early November "Sunday Drive"

"i'd do anything for you."

2003-10-30T19:24:00.000-08:00

i have one word for you today: MAH.

2003-10-28T17:09:00.000-08:00

*I'd scream this song, right in your face if you were here.
swear i wont miss a beat, cuz i never never have before.*

i knew this wouldn't work.

2003-10-27T22:54:00.000-08:00

1. What time is it? 10:21 PM
2. What is your name? Cassie Voigt
3. Do you have any nicknames? Cappie, Cassandy, Cass, Sissy, bitch, ho…the list goes on.
*4. Date of Birth? September 7
*5. Where do you live? P-town
6. What school do you go to? VHS!
7. Do you have any siblings? Yup.
8. Do you have any pets? A dog aka satan. And 2 birdies
9. Righty or lefty? I am right handed.

*********YOUR LOOKS************
10. What color is your hair? Brown/red…I don’t know what it is. Haha.
11. What color are your eyes? Brown, sort of light
12. How tall are you? Similar to how Elizabeth answered…taller than Alvaro, shorter than Chappie
13. Do you have glasses or contacts? nah
14. Any piercing? Yup, three.
15. Where would you like to get pierced? I want the second holes on my ears, and the middle thingy/ear flap/ thing that covers your earhole. Hahaha.
16. Do you have a tattoo? Not yet.
17. If so, what and where? I want a few. The first one will be a small star on my right shoulder-blade.
18. Do you wear any rings? Sometimes.
19. What style are your clothes? Meh. Nothing in particular

*************JUST LATELY***********
21. How are you feeling? Torn, dazed and confused.
22. What pants are you wearing? My kickass adidas ones that I absolutely adore
23. What shirt are you wearing? White cami w/ black shirt over. Covered by my bro’s Unearth sweatshirt
25. How is your hair? down
26. What music are you listening to? Just Enough by The Early November
27. What gum are you chewing? Not chewing gum currently
28. What is the weather like? It’s all ashy…mah.
29. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My crazy dad.
30. What was the last dream you had? Hmm…I don’t really remember…lemme think…shit. I don’t remember.
31. Who are you talking to now? Nobody actually.
32. What time is it? 10:28

*************MORE ABOUT YOU!!!*******************
*33. What is the last part of your phone number? 1777
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? silver
35. Have you ever almost died? Close call car accidents, emotionally losing it to the point I can’t breathe, and risking it all in the forests of YL…yes.
36. Do you like the person who sent you this survey? sure do
37. How do you eat Oreos? I twist them w/ Amanda Shellhorn, then eat it.
38. What makes you happy? Good music, good friends, and certain people in my life
39. What is the next CD you want to buy? Hmm..Thursday.
40. What's the best advice someone's ever given you? “ur no doubt good enough, u just have to realize it” that was the last inspirational thing said to me…it was tonite. Thanks dal.
41. Have you ever won any awards? Yea.
42. What are your goals in life? I wanna live in Newport beach w/ my husband…after we open a law firm together.
43. Do you like to dance? Yes.
45. What is the most embarrassing/stupid thing you've ever done? Pssh…too many to count. I’d say last year was a big embarrassment.
46. What's your favorite memory? Either the first time I fell in “love”, or…when CG made finals in Dayton my freshman year…I don’t know.
47. If you could change one thing about you, what would it be? There are a lot of things.
48. Where do you shop the most? Anchor blue.
49. How many kids do you want to have? 3
50 & 51. How many boys and girls do you want to have? 2 boys 1 girl in the order of boy, girl, boy
52. Do you do drugs? Caffeine.
53. Do you drink? Only when out of the country.
54. What shampoo and conditioner do you use? Currently, GARNIER FRUCTISSE. It’s so awesome…I hear the Transplants song in my head every morning when I use it…*piano* WOO WOO…WPSSH. WOO WOO…and so on.
55. What is your least favorite sport? Baseball
56. What are you most scared of? Being alone and failure
57. How many TVs do you have? 7
58. Do you have a cell phone or your own phone? both
59. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yup a few.
60. Have you broken/sprained/fractured any bones? I’ve sprained my wrist once.
61. Who shows up most in your dreams? My friends or current crush
62. Who do you tell about your dreams? Usually my mom, and my close buddies.
63. Who is your loudest friend? TODD.
64. Who is your quietest friend? Hmm..that’s a toughie.

************Just Questions***************
65. Is cheerleading a sport? As eliz said…ESPN style.
66. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? I need to count, meh.
**********YOU and LOVE***********
67. Do you believe in love? Fully…although currently I have been introduced to a new theory…that it doesn’t exist at all, and all it is pheramones and that you are attracted to someone’s scent. So let’s give up on this dating/liking people bullshit and start sniffing. Hahahahaha.
68. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? no
69. Do you have a crush? Yeah.
70. Who is your crush? Haha. No.
71. Do you believe in Love at first sight? Infatuation kids…infatuation
73. What song do you want played at your wedding? Unforgettable.
74. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and hair.
75. What was your longest crush? 3 yrs on and off.
76. Are u shy to ask someone out? yeah
77. Do you find yourself attractive? On a good day, but usually no. and those good days come few and far between.
78. Do you find yourself ugly? Sometimes.
79. Do others find you attractive? Doubt it.

**********Which is worse?**********
81. Making out with Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie? Rob Zombie..cuz he looks dirty. At least Marilyn has that sick pretty look going on at times. Haha.
82. Having your tonsils or appendix removed? tonsils

**********ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT (for girls only) **********
83. Regular underwear or boxers? boxers
84. Long or short hair? Depends on your guy.
85. Curly or straight? straight
86. Tall or short? tall
87. Six pack or muscular arms? Arms.
**********ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only)**********
88. Regular underwear or thong:
89. Painted nails or not:
90. Regular or sports bra:
91. Bra straps showing or not:

**********FOR EVERYONE**********
92. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy: depends on the person?
93. Dark or blonde hair: dark
94. Long or short hair: long
95. Curly or straight hair: straight
96. Color of eyes: either a really deep brown or a sparkly blue
97. Long or short nails: short
98. Hat or no hat: no hat
99. Good or bad: bad to a degree, but knows when to be good as well.
100. Hair up or down: down
101. Jewelry or none: jewelry.
102. Tall or short: doesn’t matter, I’ve liked both.
103. Accent or no accent: oooh…sexy English accent.
104. Pants or dress: daily? Pants.
105. Tan or fair: burnt…or dead…jk tan.
106. Glasses: meh. Doesn’t matter.
107. Pretty indoor or crazy party: C-C-C-CRAZY.
108. Freckles or none: meh.
109. Shy or outgoing: outgoing, but has their days when they need to be shy
110. funny or always cool: funny
111. Talkative or shy: talkative
112. Who's your hottest friend?: Del, that’s right. Haha…he’s more of an acquaintance…but he has been promoted to friend now.

**********Pick One: THIS OR THAT**********
113. Lights on/off?: dim.
114. Do u like snow, sun or rain?: rain.
115. Mickey D's (McDonalds) or BK (Burger King): bk.
116. Do u like scary or happy movies better?: scary.
117. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC?: NSYNC
119. Paper or plastic?: paper
120. Sausage or pepperoni?: pepperoni
121. Summer or winter?: summer
122. Hugs or kisses?: kisses when happy, hugs when sad
123. Chocolate or white milk?: neither.
124. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper?: Dr. Pepper
125. Glass half full or half empty?: half empty
126. CD or Tape?: CD
127. Tape or DVD?: DVD
128. Cats or Dogs?: dogs
129. Mud or Jell-O wrestling?: jello.
130. Vanilla or Chocolate?: chocolate
131. Skiing or Boarding?: boarding
132. Day or night?: night
134. Silver or gold: silver
135. Diamonds or pearls?: diamonds
136. Sunset or sunrise? sunset

**********Your FAVS**********
137. Color?: black.
138. Food?: ice cream
139. Fast food?: del Taco
140. Candy?: M&Ms
141. Beverage?: diet coke or coffee
142. Ice Cream Flavor?: chocolate chocolate chip…they stopped making it and I wanna cry.
143. Sport?:hockey or football
144. Animal?: platypus.
145. Fav. type of music?: emo/screamo/hardcore.
146. Radio Station: KROQ
147. Song: too many to answer. Just keep watchin the blog.
148. Band:do you have to ask? Dashboard and BrandNew
149. Number(s): 47.5
150. Fav. Actor or actress?: Johnny Depp
151. Fav. day of the year?: My bday
152. Fav. month?: July
153. TV Show?: simpsons or family guy
154. Store?: meh.
155. Scent?: lucky for women, or Green Clover and Aloe from bath and body works
156. Teacher?:currently, cecil
157. Game?: SOLITAIRE!
158. Saying?: mah.

**********Have you EVER**********
159. Loved somebody so much it made you cry?: yeah, both friend and significant other wise.
160. Smoked?: mah
161. Drank?: mah
162. Ever gotten dumped? No
163. Broke the law?: sort of.
164. Ran from the cops?: no
165. Stole something?: no
167. Made yourself throw up?: no…damn retarded gag reflexes. Haha
169. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: when I was little, yes.

**********On a FiNal NoTe**********
170. Do you like filling these out?: sure.
171. How many people are you sending this to? It’s up on the blog
172. Do u want your friends to write back?: if they feel like it.
173. Who is least likely to respond?: YO MAMA
174. Who is most likely to respond?: eliz, dal, and ralphie.
175. What time is it now?: 10:53 pm

2003-10-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

i am torn. not that i should even bother w/ either...but yeah...i'm still torn.

2003-10-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

i just finished an essay. i am effing tired. damn procrastination. maaaaaah.

2003-10-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

"Cassie...you know tearing the labels off of your water bottles is a sign of sexual frustration?"-Del whilst looking @ the water bottle on my nightstand.

today was an okay day. i got the top of my ear pierced (cartilage). it hurts something terrible right now.

i met spencer's brother john, he's a cool kid. i guess they live down the street from me, cool beans.

i was supposed to get out of the house tonite, but it didn't happen. i should have done my homework so i could go out tomorrow...but i didn't. cuz i'm an idiot like that.

i need a nap. goodnite.

Music: story of the year "anthem of our dying day"
mood: i'm still pretty damn confused. i know that's not a mood. but oh well.

2003-10-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

*Oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins

I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you dont see me, you dont... * FATA "Autumn's Monologue"

i'm really tired of not being seen. you'd think that you'd get used to it..but you don't...it hurts just the same each time. i live the life of a fucking shadow.

Music: see above
Mood: mah.

2003-10-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

i'm still alive. sorry if that disappoints you. i have also rekindled my love for the band Journey. i grew up w/ their music...and now i have returned to them. haha. so yeah...school's been boring...i'm getting excited for hc and it approaches...very slowly. That's about it. mah.

Music: "Faithfully" by Journey
Mood: confused.

2003-10-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

it's really hard to support someone when you don't approve of their choices. meh.

*there's more to us than this.*

homecoming is waaaaaaaay too far away for my liking. haha. i have no real inspiration to write in here, i can't really say what i want anymore due to people being assholes...maybe it's time for a private blog? meh.

Music: The Early November "just enough" such a good song, you should dl it.
Mood: bored and sleepy

2003-10-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

gay to the max.

2003-10-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

love you dallas.

2003-10-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

*Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.*

i miss feeling that way. but that song also makes me think of dallas. i *heart* you! haha

music: "warmness on the soul" by avenged sevenfold
mood: sentimental and torn

2003-10-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

*wouldn't trade anything, you're still my everything.*

this weekend was queer to the max. meh.

hopefully tomorrow will be better. mock trial starts. wooo! three hour practice!! haha...no.

*i'm still waiting for your call*

Music: The Get Up kids "i'll catch you"
Mood: bored and anxious for tomorrow.

2003-10-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

i was mocked on the internet. that's cool. so what if i'm emo...deal with it? if you don't like me, or what i have to say...don't read. it's that simple.

2003-10-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

*Fountains and flourescent lights.
When season has come
the snowbirds have crowded the nights.
And old townies are tired
of the beaches and bars
being packed so tight.
And bridges, and traffic, and inlets,
are locked in their fight.

And on these boats,
ride the hopes of working class boys,
dreaming of girls, from far away points.
And better things. Like winter flings.
And longing after spring has sprung.
And they fly north when winter's done.
And we get burned in summer's sun.

Fountains and fluorescent lights.
When season has come
the snowbirds have crowded the nights.
And young townies and tourists
find unlikely love at first sight.
And swear that they're never leaving
and that is their plight.

This winter is lasting forever,
at least for tonight.
And I know that you're never leaving,
until your flight,
takes you off,
and out of my arms,
and into the air,
so far from your charms,
that I can not bare,
another year,
in this long forgotten beach town,
we once shared.

This winter is lasting forever,
at least for tonight.
And I know that you're never
leaving me again.
No, not again.* Further Seems Forever-"Snowbirds and Townies*
...song from last nite...

*sigh* i woke up this morning totally happy...that hasn't happened since last year...it was great.

i never realized until tonite...how wonderful silence can truly be. After something really deep has been said, there's this moment of quiet reflection...those are the moments i've felt closest to...

Music: Further Seems Forever-"Snowbirds and Townies"
mood: it's hard to explain. there's this feeling happiness...yet there's a pain that's chasing me...cuz the more i get into this...i am realizing that friends is all we might ever be. le mah. oh well...we'll just say i'm feeling...oddly complete.

2003-09-28T22:46:00.000-07:00

mah.

music: Phantom Planet "Lonely Day"
mood: uninspired.

...inspire me...

2003-09-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

*watch your mouth
hold your tongue boy
because you're running out of breath
running out of time
before every careless word that you utter
renders you utterly useless
now you're drowning in your own saliva
trying to speak yourself to the top of your empty world
keep on talking
just keep on rambling
you've got your mouth full
now listen here's the pleasant part
you and i we fell apart
why can't you make up your mind
shut your mouth
burn your bridges
throw your words like an attack
and stab me in the
wait a second what's that
i just heard
nevermind it's obviously worthless
you're standing on your soapbox
yelling from the rooftops
everything you say is a lie
now listen here's the clever one
who speaks before his thoughts are done
why can't you make up your mind
watch your mouth
hold your tongue
some things are better left unsaid
now i hope you're pleased
you let your pride stand tall
it danced within your words right before your fall right before you
why don't you, why don't you say that to my face,i
've had ripped down torn down so many things,
everything you, everytime you, every word you say,
if i told you this was killing me,
would you would you stop?* The Julianna Theory

fuck it. i'm done. sorry for ever caring in the first place.

2003-09-19T23:44:00.000-07:00

wow...we actually won a football game...it was a close call too. go vhs. oh yeah.

cruised around the game, saw my buddy kevin (he got cute, dammit. should have taken my chance), then i went to Rigoberto's with Billy, Andrew, Brian, and Kush. I am officially one of the guys, dammit. They talked about girls the WHOLE time. but oh well, it was all worth it when andrew and brian sang Seal on the way home. haha.

Music: Saosin "Seven Years (acoustic)"
Mood: alone...i am the only person @ home, it's scary.

PS:
ARRRR! HAPPY TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY! AVAST YE LUSTY WENCH!!!

*i will find a way without you.*

2003-09-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

...let them talk...

pure hell. that's what this is.

2003-09-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

emoliciousbabe07: love ya!
x1emoNiGhTx: love you too.
x1emoNiGhTx: nighty night
emoliciousbabe07: :-D

Mike always makes me feel better. Damn Arizona...damn it to hell.

2003-09-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I havent been updating...i haven't written about a lot of great stuff. I've just had a lot on my mind lately...it's driving me batty. I've been trying to find motivation, or inspiration in my life...but i'm coming up empty handed. There are a lot of things i miss...and a lot of things i need to fix. But i don't even know where to begin...

New feelings appear, Old ones come back, and some just disappear...it's a vicious cycle.

i have decided to start a current mood and music thing. so here we go:

Mood: a combo of tired/bored/and lonely
Music: Coldplay "The Scientist"

2003-09-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

So what if i want to pick up the pieces of my shattered happiness? could you blame me? i think not.

2003-09-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

two songs of the day:

[Low] foo fighters
*Hey you
are you in there?
I'm stuck outside you
we could use
one another
another like you
you be my passerby
I'll be your new one to pass through
screws inside turn so tight
turning on you
I'm hanging on you
baby blue
don't go nowhere
I'm right beside you
me and you
going nowhere
I'm right beside you
taking you as low as you go*

and...

"The Scientist" by coldplay...i love this song.

*Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start*

that's such a pretty song...maaaah.

today was a weird day...such random happenings...oh god.

*so many lies...so many times i forgave...never again*

2003-09-01T14:51:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAL!!!!!!!

2003-08-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

cake, ice cream, music, and good company. This saturday @ my house from 8-11.

call or IM me if you wish to attend!

2003-08-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

"I really like that! It's like half mexican, half hardcore...IT'S MEXICORE!!!" Phil about his new song..freak.

2003-08-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

i made my decision. I am not gonna get "involved" with alex. I'm not sure if i can trust him, which means in the end, i'm not even sure if i could trust myself w/ him. so yeah. oh well.

2003-08-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

it's been so long. and yet the thought of you still brings me to tears.

*you can think you got everything but
everything is nothing when you throw it away* oliver james "long time coming"

2003-08-25T00:57:00.000-07:00

xchaos86x: night sweetheart

that made my evening for some reason.

"word up, indeed." some guy on CNN

"fine asshole. i hate you." my brother marc.

2003-08-24T00:56:00.000-07:00

and now he says that he's gonna change for me. I really don't know what to do. I want to believe him..but i dunno...aaaah. this is such a crappy situation. le mah.

2003-08-23T00:57:00.000-07:00

this is horrible.

2003-08-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

LE MAH!

i am going to disneyland tomorrow...woo?

i miss alex.

ali is one crazay mofo.

my toenails are hot neon pink.

my mom sucks...still.

the end.

2003-08-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

I HAVE RETURNED!! I came home on saturday..but am just now gettin to the blog. The vacation was amazing...i am really to tired to go into detail, but if you want to know about it, just ask! Highlights: petting a monkey, getting a massage, drunken glory, and dancing at a 21+ club from 10-3:30 am, that i wasn't even carded to get into!

so yeah...i missed everyone!

but enough about that, tonite...tonite was amazing. I had dinner with the parents and grandparents, which was okay cuz i missed my grandparents a bunch. awww...cute. haha. then i went to the hub with anthony *surprising?* and...DALLAS! holy shit...i missed her so much, it's ridiculous. "when we don't see each other for a while, we go into overload...and we start doing this! *twitches and such*"

i saw cody tonite. and felt nothing. it was beautiful.

i saw alex tonite. and felt everything. it was beautiful. something happens whenever he puts his arms around me. he called me when i got home too, it was great. *crosses fingers* i really hope this all works out. he's everything i've been waiting for...i just don't wanna get hurt..but life is full of risks, and you miss out if you don't take them.

"Dal, if he hurts me...can we kill him?"

well then...cassie needs sleep...be back later today!

2003-08-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

Hey KIDS! Luckily, my crazy brothers brought a laptop to Barbados so I can do this nifty little entry. The flight was terribly long...5 hours to miami, 4 hours to Barbados...too damn long on a fucking plane. We got here, and it is sooooo humid i wanna cry...and on top of everything, it is a fucking third world country that DOES NOT cater to tourists, pretty gay. HOWEVER, THE BEACH IS AWESOME. White sands and frickin clear, warm, blue water. IT IS GORGEOUS. There's also this crazy pool with a swim up bar and a waterfall, complete with cozy make-out nook behind the waterfall...lack of people to make out with..but meh, it's there. Phil and I found a 1-inch long frog in the hallway, and i named him Johnny, in honor of dallas, as well as my Pina Colada i had in honor of DAL. hehehehe. We head over to Tobago on saturday, so that should be coolness. But i still miss home...and my dog...and...starbucks...and...you.

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW!!!

PS: Tanya...i was thinking about it, and i think i am gonna tell him yes when i get home. :) yes or no? i need your opinion!

*I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket...
and in this moment i am happy, happy
I wish you were here*

2003-08-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

PEACE OUT EVERYBODY!

2003-08-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

I am leaving my house at 5am tuesday morning *in a limo, oh yeah* to head over to LAX. Our flight leaves at appx 7:30, we have a layover @ Florida, then we're off to Barbados. I am so horribly excited, it's ridiculous. We're @ Barbados for 4 days, then off to Tobago, then to Trinidad. I will return on the 16th. So that's it, have fun while I'm gone! *but not too much, i don't wanna miss out on alot! haha*

luv you guys!

2003-08-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

Your voice used to make me so happy, now I find myself just horribly angry.

jerkface.

2003-08-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

*Gray chairs cold but here for me
thankfully I don't miss your skin
or the way that you always
have something to say
lose myself in you
cut it in you
with my rusty fingers
what I'd do for one more day
without you
I'm leaving again on metal heart breaker
all I wanted to say was
FUCK YOU
miles away but you still seem to be here*ptw

feelin' fine.

2003-08-02T12:08:00.000-07:00

Marc: it seems like you guys got your fair share of guys last night

haha.

2003-08-02T01:06:00.000-07:00

A Most Glorious of Nights.

Tonight I got to spend time with my best friend. Which always means that I had a blast, and got into various situations which end in hilarity. So now I shall go into that.

First, we went to Knowlwoods...dallas discovered Irish Nachos. in all of their glory...ooooh yeah. haha. We were loud, and threw stuff...it was great.

Then, to a home away from home...THE HUB. This place is just so great, it's comfy..and you can just be. We ventured outside the arcade and were talking when we were approached by...

CHRISTIAN: This guy...holy crap. One word to describe him: CREEPY. He decides to hit on us, and give me his cell phone number...he pretty much just gave us a sales pitch. He just kept on talking, and talking, and talking...We came to find out that he was in a car accident in which his best friend died and he went into a coma, he received a $20,000 compensation for it, he said "thank you jesus" when he lost his virginity in a hot tub, and he works for a frickin lingerie company. Thankfully he left us alone for a while...only to return to the hub YET AGAIN. However, this time...we were saved by...

STEVE SCHWINN: I never thought i would say this...but...STEVE IS MY HERO. Dallas spotted him, and we called him over, we got The Dahmer Party's new demo *pretty good*, and explained the situation. He got way angry when I told him that Christian grabbed me arse, and that he was 20. Steve totally saved us, he went into BIG BROTHER mode...it was great. Christian was bugging us, and Steve told us that he needed to show us something in his car, so he got dallas and i away from Creepy Christian. Whilst we did this we created Johnny, my "new boyfriend". We got back to Christian and Steve brought Johnny up by sayin, "hey isn't Johnny coming out here tonite? Last time i talked to him he was at the gym...he's fuckin on steroids, he LIVES at the gym." It was great...steve had to leave to go hang with his buddies, but before he did he told Toby *this guy who works at the hub* that if he saw Christian buggin me and the dal, to have him thrown outta the hub. Steven: i love you.

Last, but most certainly not least...ALEX: This guy is soooo awesome...We met him when he stopped Dallas and I from fighting...I had just kicked her when he broke it up. hahahahahahaah. *Dal, what were we fighting about?* He goes to Fullerton High and will be a senior next year...He's in drama, and is a friggin BANDO! IT'S GLORIOUS! But he has this awesome lip piercing...and we all know how much cassie likes those...haha. We hung out with him for about an hour and a half...he's just a really good buddy kinda guy. I am gonna call him up tomorrow and such. It was hilarious when all three of us were walking around holding hands...haha. He's just way awesome, and we all have so much in common..."now don't fight over me while i'm gone"-alex....haha.

Overall, this was such a great night. I laughed so much, and i actually felt happy. Dallas and I got called hot and cute multiple times, such a confidence boost. hehe. Dally: Thanks for such a wonderful evening, you are the best. I love you!

I will leave you on this song...because it goes out to a certain someone, who will never see it...but nonetheless...
*She said
"don't, don't let it go to your head
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen"
She said
"you're a touch overrated,
you're a lush and I hate it* TBS. drunken jerkface.

...i feel so much better now...

2003-08-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

Well...today started like every day...mom yelling at me to get my ass outta bed. So I did...I went to get my nails done, picked up my class ring, and so on...I finally got to have some fun at 6. Peter, Mark Lewis, Andy, and Taryn came to mi casa and we decided to spend the evening together. First we hit up Chilis...where everyone was gawking over this one hostess..haha. She had a cute outfit on...but anyway. After that, we cruised over to the palm reading place to discover that Miss Lee wasn't in, and wouldn't answer her phone. So next we went to Scott Nakamura's house to see what he was up to, and busted out the phone book to find a palm-reader. Everyone wasn't around except for a lady in Orange. We got there at about 9:15...I GOT MY PALM READ!! It was so glorious..and i wanna go back like a mo-fo. So peter is gonna take me back when i get some money. OH YEAAAH! The lady was totally right about so much stuff...it was just cool...(dallas, we are gonna go together when i get back from vacation, yea?). So yeah, it was great. I had tons-o-fun...woot.

I am totally excited about tomorrow too..which reminds me, i gotta call people up! haha.

2003-07-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

ATTN: DALLAS, TANYA, MARIE, EMILY...but anybody can come if they want! WOOHOO!

This Friday January's Departure will be playing at The Hub. We will be "celebrating" my one year anniversary *you know what i'm talkin about* a day early, because Dal cannot attend on Saturday. I was thinking we could have dinner first @ Knowlwoods then frolic over to the hub. It will be a fun filled evening with good food, good people, and the glorious locals of the hub i.e. cute guys. haha. Gimme a call if you wanna come, or leave a comment!

2003-07-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

*i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along* "my immortal" by evanescence

even though i have despised them all along...i love this song. It is so hauntingly beautiful...and it encompasses so many situations and feelings i am experiencing right now. it's a good cry song...

nite.

2003-07-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

So what if you're everything to me. It doesn't matter to you at all anyway.

2003-07-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

your karen!!! you dont care about much things
except your vodka!!! and your money and being
mean...but really u r hiding a nice person but
wut ur not hiding is your...KILLER RACK!!

Which Will and Grace character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-26T01:57:00.000-07:00

*you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins*

i am leaving for Barbados/Trinidad/Tobago in 10 days. glorious. I keep hearing Andrew W.K.'s song "we want fun" in my head...as there is no drinking age in any of these places..."we wanna have fun, AND WE WANNA GET WASTED!!!" i am looking forward to getting away. there's been a whole bunch of crap goin on...and i want to leave.

A very good friend of mine has been going thru some hard times lately. Now, normally a person would want help/support, yet this person has completely shut me out. I don't know if it's just me he's not needing right now, or everyone. But it's really gettin to me...cuz he's everything to me. I was talking to my stepmom about it, and it brought me to tears. I just wanna be there for him, but he wont let me. I don't know if this is just me freaking out, my selfish need to actually be needed...but i'm worried.

I am gonna see a friend i haven't seen in a really long time in the next week, and for some reason I'm dreading the moment. Part of me is dying to see him, cuz...well...i adored him; but then this other part is terrified of reliving old feelings and making the attempt to not show it. This has clearly been bugging me, and i had a dream about it *not the one i blogged about* In this dream he was hugging me, and telling me my friends were all right and that he would bring me down and i deserved much better. This would NEVER have happened in real life, because even tho he's going nowhere he's still outta my league. The dream was one of those, "you break my heart into a thousand pieces and you say it's because i deserved better?" situations. Even though i feel this way now, i know i'll be overjoyed to see him, hear his voice, and get one more hug.

There's so much more to talk about...but i'm tired. Maybe later today...

*cuz we all just wanna be somebody's angel, right?*

2003-07-25T01:05:00.000-07:00

You've got yourself Captain Jack Sparrow! Mmm, rum
and dirtiness!

On Pirates of the Caribbean, is your mate Will or Jack?
brought to you by Quizilla

damn straight. "guy in black eyeliner." oh freekin yeah

2003-07-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

fuck the ap.